


The Worst Thing Nick Could Ever Do

by newgirlystuff



Category: New Girl
Genre: Anxiety, Betrayal, F/M, Fix-It, Forgiveness, Friendship, Heartbreak, Mistakes, Moving Out, Regret, True Love, broken relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6002011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newgirlystuff/pseuds/newgirlystuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How could you do that, Nick?”, she asks him, her voice cracking as she unsuccessfully fights back tears. “"Just… <em>in my bed?”</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Drove Her Away From Him

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up before you go on to the story. 
> 
> This Nick isn't the creepy, completely out-of-character Nick we've seen for the last couple episodes. This is the Nick we all loved, the real Nick, the one that _fell in love with Jess the moment she walked through the door _\- the one I'm sure will be back soon.__
> 
>  
> 
> There will be three more chapters to this story, which was inspired by a prompt that will hopefully remain AU- Enjoy!

 

* * *

 

 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare touch me”, Jess says, and yanks her hand away from his grasp. He takes a step towards her but she takes one back and her back hits his door.

 

“ _Fuck you_ , Nick”, she spits out, and before he can even blink she’s stormed out of his room, slamming the door closed behind her.

 

His cheek is still red and sore, but the pain caused by her harsh slap is nothing compared to what he feels inside.

 

And the worst thing is, he knows he deserves it. He deserves her anger, and he deserves her hate.

 

_xxxx_

 

 _“How could you do that, Nick?”,_ she asks him, her voice cracking as she unsuccessfully fights back tears.

 

 _“_ Just _… in my bed?”_ , she repeats, because she knows she heard him right the first _and_ second time but her brain keeps screaming at her that it can’t be true. He just stares at her, and there’s nothing else he can say at this point that will make it better, so he just apologizes one more time and watches as she closes her eyes and presses her hands to her temples. He takes a step towards her, and his hand reaches out to grab hers. He’s never seen her move away from him that fast, her eyes filled with anger and tears.

 

_xxxx_

 

The slamming of the door is still resounding in his ears when he slides to the floor, buries his head in his hands, and for the first time in years, cries until he can’t anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

She moves out of the loft a week later, because Cece and Schmidt have their own place now and she needs to get away from _him_. Cece tries to talk her out of it, tells her she might be overreacting and asks her to _think about it_ , but she ends up helping Jess find a single room apartment and doesn’t say anything when Jess signs the lease straight away. She is sure of her decision, that’s what she keeps telling Cece and herself over and over again. Just being around him knowing that not only he isn’t hers anymore, but that he could so _easily_ replace her- in every way- made her stomach churn in pain.

 

She needs to get away from him.

 

Jess doesn’t tell him she’s moving out, but when he comes home from work one night and all her things are gone it’s Winston that tells him. Nick freezes on the spot, and he can’t believe she would do this, can’t believe she would do this _to him_.

 

He calls her phone then, but she –surprisingly- doesn’t pick up. Winston retreats quietly to his room, but Nick follows him and begs him to tell him where she is, because he needs to see her and talk to her _right now_. Winston promised he wouldn’t tell, but he also said he’s _not a smooth man_ and so within five minutes Nick is speeding down the street to get to her place, the address burned in his memory as he repeats it over and over again.

 

He has to tell her again, he has to make her listen to him and he has to keep himself from losing her _for good_. His insistent pounding on her door doesn’t last long, because she jerks it open and he’s met with her blank eyes as she glares at him.

 

His words die in his throat when he sees nothing but emptiness staring back at him. None of the anger, pain and disappointment from last time, and he shivers because her emotionless eyes hurt a thousand times more than all the yelling and screaming he had expected.

 

“What do you want, Nick?”, she asks him tiredly, and thinks _damn Winston and his_ _smoothness._

 

He keeps just staring at her, desperate to make his thoughts into coherent words and make her listen to him, but when he apologizes one more time and begs her to come back home, she lifts her hand up and stops his shaky speech.

 

“It’s over, Nick”, she says then. She can feel the burning of tears in her eyes and her heart breaks at his imploring gaze, but she’s tired, she’s _so tired,_ and she also can’t get the image of Nick and She-who-shan’t-be-named _in her bed._

 

Of Nick laughing with the other woman the way he used to do with her. Of him making love to the other woman the way he used to do with her.

 

“Jessica, please”, he tries again, because he is not about to give up. He feels his eyes burning with unshed tears but he’s so terrified at the thought of losing her that he doesn’t care. “You have to believe me when I say it didn’t mean anything. Nothing, Jess, I swear.”

 

But she just shakes her head and even though her heart is pounding in her chest and screaming at her that he is telling the truth, that it really didn’t mean anything to him, she can’t bring herself to let go of the thought of it all.

 

“Nick, I just can’t. I’m so… _tired_ of this”, she says, and her previous coldness has been replaced by a soft and shaky whisper. She’s still looking at him, but he’s not sure she’s actually seeing him. “I need a break, Nick”, she says, “I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“Please”, he says, just one more time. “I’ll do anything, Jess” he tells her, and he really means it. “God, Jess, please.”

 

But she shakes her head again and sniffles through her nose, whispers a “goodnight, Nick”, and lets the door close between them.


	2. When He Sort Of Messed Up (Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a.k.a _The One Where He Couldn't Keep His Mouth Shut And Blurted It Out (Again) ___
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

It’s been five weeks since Jess moved out of the loft and they haven’t seen each other since that night, but tonight it’s Cece and Schmidt’s wedding dinner rehearsal and he knows she will be there. He looks at himself on the mirror and his reflection is unrecognizable even to him. The dark circles that seem to have made a home under his eyes and the full-on beard he’s sporting make him look ten years older, and so when Schmidt asks him to shave _and_ moisturize he decides not to argue and does so. Beard free and suit clad, there’s nothing he can do about the hollowness in his eyes.

 

He arrives at the restaurant early, but Schmidt and Cece are already there and she hugs him tight when she sees him. He’s never been a fan of hugs, but this one is so weirdly comforting he just relaxes into it and hugs her back. Schmidt pats his shoulder and smiles at him, and Nick smiles back but his mind can only focus on one thing.

 

And it’s like he doesn’t even need to see her to feel that she’s here, and so when he turns around and his eyes meet hers from across the room everything stops and she’s all he sees. She is walking straight towards him, but before she can reach him Cece launches herself at her and Nick snaps out of his trance. He looks at them hug, the two of them smiling as Schmidt joins them and kisses Jess’ cheek.

 

She looks beautiful and _somewhat_ happy, and Nick is miserable but the thought that she isn’t makes him feel better. She is still talking to Schmidt and Cece, but when her eyes settle on him he knows she’s no longer listening to whatever they are telling her.  A minute later and she turns around to him, stepping forward until she reaches him.

 

“Hey, Nick”, she says, and he shudders at the sound of her voice because it’s been five weeks and he feels like he’s almost gone crazy without her. She’s looking at him now, really looking at him, and she bites her lip in a nervous gesture.

 

“Hi, Jess”, he answers, and he doesn’t know what to say. He knows what he _wants_ to say, but he also knows she doesn’t want to hear it, and so he shuts his mouth and keeps staring at her.

 

“I missed you”, she says then, and he snaps his head up in surprise. _She missed me_ , he thinks, and his heart is thumping loudly but he gulps the sound down.

 

“I missed you too”, he says, and wonders if maybe she does want to hear his apology again. But he doesn’t get a chance to speak before she leans towards him and places her lips by his ear.

 

“I want to talk to you”, she says. “Wait for me when this is over?”

 

He feels himself nod at her words but then Schmidt is pushing them towards the table and making them sit next to each other, and then he looks up at Cece and she’s smiling at him. But Nick and Jess are so busy staring at each other they completely miss the knowing look their soon-to-be-married friends cast at them.

 

* * *

 

 

Jess lets him drive her home and asks him to come up with her so they can talk, and he wonders if maybe this is all a dream because if it is he doesn’t want to wake up. He follows her into the apartment, and when she sits down on her couch and motions for him to follow, he lets his knees touch hers and stares at her.

 

She’s looking right back at him, because it’s been five weeks and she really has missed him. He doesn’t look good, he looks tired and exhausted and Jess knows it’s because of her, it’s because of their fight and because he hasn’t stopped thinking about it. Not that she has, but she’s a far better actress than him. They do nothing but stare at each other for a while, and then Nick just can’t take it anymore and has to break the silence.

 

“Jess, I…”, he starts, and he hears his own unsteady voice and wills himself to _calm the fuck down_. He knows she obviously wants to talk, and he knows what he wants to tell her, but he’s so scared he’s going to push her away again he can’t find the words to speak.

 

“Nick”, she sighs, and she’s clearly having a hard time with words as well. “I missed you”, she says again, “and I’m sorry about what I’ve done to you.”

 

He’s staring at her again, his expression contorting into a full turtle face.  He shakes his head because he clearly heard that wrong. _She what?_

 

“I’m sorry that I slapped you”, she says then. “And I’m sorry I moved out without telling you”, she adds, and he can’t believe _she’s_ apologizing to him. He feels his mouth opening in shock and watches her in disbelief. Because of all the things he’d imagined she would say to him, an apology had not been an option.

 

“It’s just…”, she continues, but he interrupts her then.

 

 _“You’re apologizing to me?”,_ he slowly says, incredulity all over his face, and she nods her head.

 

“We’re friends, Nick, and I overreacted”, she tells him. _Friends,_ she says, and doesn’t miss the flinch that passes over him.

 

“But I’m not gonna lie, Nick. What you did… That was a _dick move_ ”, she says, and he remembers telling her the exact same words and shudders. “But I can’t lose you because of it”, she states, and now he’s sure he’s dreaming because there is no way this is happening. “I just can’t”, she says, and then her eyes are tearing up and he can’t believe she’s doing this.

 

“Jessica”, he says, and he moves to sit closer to her and grabs her hand. She flinches lightly at his touch, but lets him hold onto her and brings her eyes up to his face. “There is absolutely no excuse for what I did”, he tells her, and she opens her mouth ready to argue but he’s not done. And he’s not going to lie and tell her he was drunk or any other lame excuse, because the one thing he’s never been able to do is lie to her.

 

“But I need you to believe me when I say it didn’t mean anything”, he says, and it feels like the hundredth time he’s told her but he needs her to believe him. Because even though there is no excuse, there is nothing in the world that matters more to him than her. “ _She_ didn’t mean anything, Jess”, he says, and he’s never been more honest about anything in his life. And it’s been six weeks since _that_ night, and he’s still disgusted at himself.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Nick”, she sighs, “I had no right to…”

 

“Bullshit”, he interrupts, and tightens his grip on her hand. “And I don’t want to hear another apology from you, ok?”, he says, and his voice is serious and his jaw is set. She nods her head slowly, her hand shaking under his because she’s desperate to fix _them._ She knows she can’t let anything, _anyone_ , come in between them- especially not this.

 

“Nick, I just want us to be… Us again. You are still my best friend”, she says, and he knows what she means but he also knows he wants more than what she’s offering. “I just want you back”, she says, and he nods his head and he’s about to take a leap of faith, because he’s pushing his luck but he’s so tired and he needs to be _fucking brave_ for once in his life.

 

Because he’s been holding it back for _two years_ and he’s fucked up so many times and he knows he has no right to tell her what he’s about to.

 

“I want nothing more than to have you back in my life”, he says, and when her eyes light up at his words he knows _he doesn’t deserve her_. Because after everything she’s still willing to forgive him, willing to move forward and leave the past behind. He tugs her hand forward and sees the tears shining fresh in her cheeks, and he hates himself but he can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

 

“But not as my friend. Because I still love you, Jess. I never stopped.”

 

* * *

 

  

**Coming up next... _The One Where Jess Gets Really (Really) Angry._**


	3. When She Gets Really (Really) Angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a.k.a _The One Where Jess Makes The Decision. ___

* * *

 

 

She stands up then, and she’s angry, and Nick doesn’t think he’s ever seen her angrier. She’s glaring at him and her body is shaking in rage, and her hands are balled up into fists when he stands up too.

 

“Take that back”, she says. “Take it fucking back”, she yells, and she’s no longer calm and composed, and she takes a step towards him while her eyes glare in fury.

 

“I can’t, Jess”, is all he says. “I can’t take it back.”

 

“Are you kidding me right now?”, she screams, and she doesn’t care that it’s late and that she’s got neighbors.

 

“You love me?”, she says. “What kind of fucked up idea of love do you have? ”, she roars, and when she takes another step forward Nick is almost sure she’s going to slap him again.

 

“Take it back”, she says again, and this time her voice trembles because she’s on the verge of tears again.

 

“No”, he says. “Look, Jess”, he starts. “I meant it when I said I want nothing but to have you back in my life”, he says, and she tries to interrupt but he’s faster this time. “And I will do whatever it takes. But I can’t go another minute pretending I don’t love you.”

 

“Really, Nick?”, she spits out at him. “And when exactly did you come to that conclusion? Was it the first time you kissed Reagan? Or was it while you were fucking _her in my bed?”_

 

He feels the venom in her words cut through him like a knife, and before he can reply she points at the door and yells at him to get out of her apartment. But then he sees her anger starting to crumble, and this might be his only chance to get her to listen to him. She’s doing a terrible job at holding back her tears, and he’s nauseated that he’s causing her so much pain.

 

“I have no excuse for what I did, Jess. And I’m not going to pretend like I do have one”, he says, and she lets out a sob and her arms go around herself. She knows he’s not going to leave, because he’s as stubborn as she is and she knows he’s not giving up. She sits back down on the couch and looks down at her lap, her whole body shaking with the tears she’s no longer trying to stop. “But I need you to believe me when I say it was the worst mistake of my life.”

 

He kneels down in front of her, careful not to touch her but trying to meet her eyes. “I swear to God, I regret that moment every day and I will regret it for the rest of my life”, he says, and he can’t seem to stop talking. She’s not looking at him, but she also can’t bring herself to yell at him to get out again. “And I know I had no right to tell you this, not after what I did”, he continues. She’s still refusing to look at him, her eyes focused on her lap while she tries to force her sobs back into her throat.

 

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me”, he tells her. “Hell, I didn’t even expect you to want me back in your life”, he states, more to himself than to her, and she surprises him by finally looking at him.

 

He sees it then, he sees the reason for her anger right there and then, because she’s never been able to hide her feelings from him and this time it’s not different. And he feels like he’s drowning in his own regrets, but his hand goes to his pocket and when he pulls it out shakily and shows her his open palm recognition flashes across her face and she clutches her arms around herself and lets out a loud cry.

 

“I haven’t stopped carrying this with me for one day, Jess”, he says, and the coin is shining in his hand while he speaks. He places it down on her coffee table and rotates on his knees so he’s facing her again. “But I will stop right now if you want me to”, he says. “I will do whatever you want me to do, Jess. But the one thing I won’t do is take those words back.”

 

She stares silently at him, and he can see the wheels turning in her head. “This isn’t fair, Nick”, she finally says, and she sounds so tired and weak again. Because after everything, he’s still putting the pressure on her and _it’s not fucking fair_.

 

“No, it’s not”, he agrees with her, and pushes his limits again when he suddenly asks her. “But do you love me, Jess?”

 

Her head snaps up even though she was expecting that question and she can’t do anything but let out a sigh and say “Nick, please, don’t do this”, and he can see her walls are coming down again. She wants to be angry, she wants to yell at him again and throw him out of her house. But when she looks into his eyes all she sees is a broken man, and she knows he lost his way and she can feel his desperation for her forgiveness. And she knows, she _knows_ that he can see right through her and she knows she can’t hide what she feels for him.

 

“There’s nothing fair about what I’m doing, Jess”, he says, “and I already told you that I’m willing to do _whatever_ it takes to keep you in my life in any way you want. If you want us to be friends, we will be friends. If you want nothing to do with me ever again… Fuck, then I will walk out that door and never bother you again”, he says, and he’s terrified that _that_ could be the winning option.

 

Because it could _very well_ be the winning option and there’s nothing he could do about it.

 

She’s looking at him but she can’t speak, and so he just keeps going before she finds the words to interrupt him and cut him out of her life. “But if there’s even the smallest chance that you might still love me, _fuck,_ even the smallest chance that you could ever forgive me…”, he tells her, and crawls up until he’s kneeling directly in front of her. “I’d do anything, Jess”, he finishes, and his knees are starting to hurt but there’s no way in hell he’s moving to go anywhere. So he just keeps staring at her from his position on the floor, and the pressure on his chest is so intense he feels like he were about to have a stroke.

 

“Jessica please, just say something”, he says, and she realizes she’s been quiet and staring at him for a while. Her heart and brain are both screaming at her, and it seems like they both finally agree on something because she takes a deep breath and her decision is made.


	4. When Everything Starts To Make Sense Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a.k.a _The One With All The Tears. ___

* * *

 

 

“I don’t want you to stop carrying it with you”, she simply says, her eyes fixed on _their_ coin and her voice barely above a whisper. And when the meaning behind her words hits him he’s at a loss for air.

 

It takes all of his willpower to not burst into tears right there and then. And at the risk of getting slapped again, he leans forward and rests his forehead against her knee, closes his eyes and thanks every god he’s ever heard of for this. He’s still hanging onto her words when her hands pull at his hair and he lifts his head, and then he realizes he’s crying and he also realizes he doesn’t care.

 

“God, Jessica”, he says then, “I know I fucked up, but if you just gave another chance to prove myself to you, I swear, Jess…”, he says, and he can’t believe she’s still listening to him and reaching for his hands. She slides down to the floor next to him, and he feels her palms on his wet cheeks.

 

“I haven’t forgiven you”, she states, a certain edge to her voice. But when he tries to cast his eyes down she forces his face up again. “But I know I’m willing to try”, she finishes, and the look of pure relief and happiness on his face makes it impossible for her not to smile. He grabs her hand and pulls it up to press his lips to her knuckles, and she feels every emotion he’s no longer holding back on her trembling skin.

 

“Because I’m ready for us to try again”, she suddenly adds, and he _fucking_ stops breathing because there’s _no way_ he just heard those words coming out of her mouth. He drops her hand and gawks at her because he just couldn’t have heard her right. She tells him again then, and she’s smiling shyly at him and he did hear her right. And he knows he’s stepping on thin ice here, but he just can’t help it but to lean forward and press  his lips against hers and he wants to scream when her mouth opens up to his. He kisses her then, kisses her with all he has and pours every emotion he’s feeling into their kiss. She lets out a moan and her tongue tangles with his, and he tries to stop the whimpering sounds coming from his throat.

 

“I don’t deserve you, Jess”, he says, and he’s so out of breath he almost chokes on his words. And it doesn’t matter that they were broken up, because nothing could ever justify his actions and the fact that she’s willing to give him, _them_ , another chance feels surreal.

 

“ _Fuck_ , I don’t deserve this”, is all he can say, because _what in the world did he do to deserve her_ , and her finger presses against his lips to keep him quiet.

 

“I do have one condition”, she says, and she could ask him whatever she wanted and he would still do it. “I want you to promise me that we won’t mess this up again”, she says, and the fact that there even is a _this_ makes his heart jump in his chest.

 

He reaches for her again then, presses his forehead against hers and his darkened eyes burn into hers. “I swear to you, Jess”, he says then, and he’s never been so serious in his life. “I won’t let anything come in between us anymore, never again”, he tells her, and she closes her eyes briefly and breathes him in. And he means it, he promises her and himself then that he will never stop trying to make her happy and that he will never, ever, fuck this up again. She cries against his neck, really cries, and he just hold onto her and lets his tears fall as well, and,

 

“ _Thank you, Jess. God, thank you.”_

 

He tells her again then, he tells her he loves her because he needs it to sink in, and also just because he can. And he doesn’t tell her just once, nor twice, he repeats it into her hair over and over again while she holds onto him.

 

And when she timidly whispers it back to him, he holds back a sob and lets her lips find their way back to his.

 

* * *

 

 

Jess doesn’t move back to the loft, because she wants them to try and have a fresh start and their old apartment brings too many unwanted memories. Nick stops by her place every day, and even though they have done nothing but talk and _occasionally_ make out, everything is slowly starting to feel normal again.

 

And a month later, when Nick makes love to her for the first time in _years_ , she lets him hold her afterwards the way he used to and everything starts to make sense again.

 

_Fin_


End file.
